The first question is "Do you need to wipe first before using a bidet?" And the answer is, absolutely not.

The purpose of the bidet seat is to thoroughly clean your bottom with water. You don’t have to do any wiping to “preclean” before it does it’s job.

Let’s dive into how bidet seats work.

Bidet seats, like the The Alpha UX Pearl, are installed on your toilet seat at home. After you poop, use the remote control to aim the water spray and choose the water temperature.

Keep the water on for about a minute long to make sure your butt is totally clean. Of course, you’re welcome to run the water as long as you need it.

If you feel like your code brown is especially messy, you have the option to crank up the water pressure to fully blast your butt. Although, I find that you don’t need a water enema to clean your butt completely. Lower water pressure is effective too!

The Alpha UX Pearl also has posterior wash and feminine wash options. You can use bidet seats for more than just bowel movements! Those with female anatomy can use bidets after urinating and ‘that time of the month’.

It’d be a total waste to use toilet paper before using the bidet seat. Just let the bidet clean your butt for you!

The next question is, "does poop splash everywhere?". Well, honey, I hate to tell you that poop doesn’t follow the laws of physics, especially for those of us with low fiber diets.

All kidding aside, the water stream is focused and sprays up and forward at an angle. After the water sprays your bottom, everything falls down into the water, not all over your bowl.

Moving on, we’ve got a great question here: "do I still need to wipe after using the bidet?" And the answer is that depends on the type of bidet you have!

So first, let me tell you that it’s incredibly important to dry your bottom after using water. If you don’t dry your derriere, all of the moisture will be trapped in your underwear which leads to skin infections and potentially even worse medical issues.

If you have a bidet seat without an air drying function, you will need to use toilet paper or a wash cloth to thoroughly dry your bottom. But if you have a bidet seat with an air drying function, then you don’t need to wipe after using the bidet. Just use the air dryer.

Which leads me to my last question, "how do I dry myself after using a bidet?"

If you choose to wipe with toilet paper, gently dab or pat your bottom dry to keep your delicate skin irritation free. Overall, you're still reducing your toilet paper usage by about 80% by letting the bidet seat spray clean your butt.

The other option is to use the bidet’s air dryer. Let me tell you how easy it is!

After you clean your butt with water, use the remote to turn on the air to dry your bottom. Sit back and relax for two minutes while the bidet does its magic. Then turn it off when you feel fully dry. Pull up those pants and get ready to rock on with your bad self!

Let’s do a quick recap:

• You don’t need to wipe before using a bidet.
• Bidets don’t splash poop all over your body or bathroom.
• You do need to dry your bottom after using a bidet.
• If your bidet has an air drying function, you don’t need to wipe at all. Just use the air dryer!

Remember, I’ve got your backside.