You’re hungover.  You wake up in a daze and sometimes succumb to a mild panic attack as you try to piece together the events from last night. Your head hurts, your body’s sore, you can’t remember how you got home and what the hell does this have to do with bidets?

Well, if your hangovers are anything like mine, you know that you’re already dreading the infamous “alcohol shits”.  Better known as diarrhea or ‘mud-butt’, this condition involves the sufferer experiencing an upset stomach that usually lasts the entire next day.  You feel the need to empty your bowels several times over the course of that day and by the third time – that charmin ultra soft toilet paper you bought starts to feel like the wood chips it was made from. You know what I mean.  To make matters worse, don’t hangover shits always tend to be messier?  Your headache is already killing you – the last thing you want to deal with is toilet paper.

Enter: bidets.  Bidet owners can attest to what I’m saying, but bidets basically take the ‘dread’ out of your hangover routines.  Having to squeeze one out no longer seems like such a daunting task because you don’t have to deal with the cleanup.  No more mud-butts, no more ripped toilet paper, no more soreness.  It’s just you and the toilet – in harmony.  Electronic bidet seats even offer you the option of air drying your rear after you’re done for a truly toilet paper freeexperience.  Don’t you owe it to yourself to take care of your butt?  Buy a bidetand the next time you’re hungover you’ll thank me.  By buying me a beer.

On a side note, ever wonder why hangovers cause diarrhea?

Chronic diarrhea can be caused by chronic ethanol ingestion.[6] Consumption of alcohol affects the body’s capability to absorb water – this is often a symptom that accompanies a hangover after a heavy drinking session. The alcohol itself is absorbed in the intestines and as the intestinal cells absorb it, the toxicity causes these cells to lose their ability to absorb water. This leads to an outpouring of fluid from the intestinal lining, which is in turn poorly absorbed. The diarrhea usually lasts for several hours until the alcohol is detoxified and removed from the digestive system. Symptoms range from person to person and are influenced by both the amount consumed as well as physiological differences. Alcohol-induced diarrhea is often accompanied by “the follow through” which is a feeling that the patient is going to break wind (flatulence) instead becomes an uncontrolled episode of diarrhea.