Growing up, I always had a very analytical mind.  I would often find myself lost in thought, pondering immense, philosophical quandaries like ‘why are sharks so cool?’ and ‘who invented pants?’.   One of these conundrums that I could never wrap my head around was ‘who thought of using toilet paper?‘.

I mean, sure, people have been using toilet paper for a long time now and I’ll admit – it gets the job done.  But, in our world of fancy gadgets and laptops, cars that park themselves, and phones that can do just about everything – we can’t come up with a more elegant solution to bathroom hygiene than wiping our dirty butts tissue paper??! I mean, come on let’s examine some of the cons here:

  1. You have to wipe so many times to fully clean yourself with just toilet paper
  2. You always seem to be running out when you need it most
  3. The softer the paper, the more virgin trees have to die
  4. When you’re having one of those days when you need to go alot:  tissue = sandpaper
  5. Toilet paper requires you to wipe with your hand, down there.  So when it rips…yeah.

And that’s just to name a few.  I’m sure everyone has had their own beefs with toilet paper at one time or another but for me…enough was enough.  But, what could I do?

My moment of enlightenment came during a family trip to our home country, Taiwan.  My grandmother had recently undergone surgery and was mostly limited to resting in bed.  Just going to the bathroom became a chore.   My uncle decided to take action and installed an electronic bidet seat on her toilet.  Whoa.

Now, I’m what you would call a techie.  I built computers as a kid, loved having the newest gadgets and worked as an IT consultant for two years.  So imagine the look on my face when I saw the electronic bidet for the first time.

“What?! You mean you don’t have to wipe? IT WASHES YOU???! WHY DIDN”T ANYONE TELL ME THESE THINGS EXISTED??!! garghggahhh…”

faint

When I woke up later, I asked my grandma how she liked using the bidet.  She loved it of course and said the enema function was especially useful for when she was constipated.  A little TMI, but I was hooked nonetheless.  I couldn’t wait to poop.  The next morning I was about as excited as a kid could be to poop in his grandma’s toilet.  I’ll spare you all the details, but let’s just sayI had one of those moments when you realize this is how life should be. I had found the solution to my life long conundrum of how to get around using toilet paper and felt remarkably free because of it. Thanks grandma!

I returned home and to no surprise my drab, bidet-less toilet just became harder and harder to bear.  After an exhausting search, I was finally able to track down a beautiful new electronic bidet seat to call my own – and we haven’t parted since <3.  Because once you go bidet, you can never go back.

Hope you all enjoy the blog as much as I do!